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Parenting Mythbusters: Are We Overpraising Our Kids?


Mother happily looking at the card gifted by her daughter

As parents, we want to see our kids shine. From their first wobbly step to their hand-drawn scribble that’s “definitely a cat,” we praise them with enthusiasm. But here’s a question:

Could too much praise actually be holding them back?


In Parenting Mythbusters, we uncover the truth about overpraising and its impact on building resilience and self-motivation in children.


The Myth: "Kids need constant praise to build confidence."

It sounds logical, right? But research suggests otherwise. Psychologists have found that excessive praise, especially when it’s generic (“You’re so smart!”), can create unintended consequences:

  1. Fear of Failure: Kids might avoid challenges to maintain their “smart” image.

  2. Dependence on Validation: They may start seeking external approval instead of developing internal motivation.


The Truth: Not all praise is bad—what matters is how you praise. Instead of focusing on the outcome (“You’re the best artist!”), shift your focus to the process:

  • “I love how you spent so much time adding details to this drawing!”

  • “It’s great that you kept trying even when the puzzle was tricky.”

This kind of praise, called process praise, nurtures a growth mindset—the belief that effort leads to improvement.


 

How to Get It Right:

Here are three quick tips:

  1. Be Specific: Highlight the effort or strategy used.

  2. Focus on Growth: Praise persistence, creativity, or problem-solving.

  3. Keep It Balanced: Don’t overdo it—sometimes, a smile or a simple “Good job!” is enough.


Curious to Try?

Today, try using process praise with your child. Instead of saying “You’re amazing at math,” say “You worked hard on those tricky problems, and it paid off!” Notice how they respond.


💬 What’s your take? Have you noticed how your kids react to different types of praise? Share your experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!


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